So I just got my labs back. My TSH is normal for the first time in years. My T3 and T4 are on the very low end of “normal” which is why I have been feeling tired and sluggish and depressed, I imagine.
I also had my antibodies tested and they are normal! Normal is considered as less than 110 and mine are 105.
This would normally be a time for celebration, but of course, my TT is scheduled for March 20th and here I am, looking like after 6 years, I could be in remission and I’m weeks away from having my thyroid removed. My thyroid that is behaving itself, even if it’s a bit beat up, diffuse, and multi-nodular.
The thing is, I still have a goiter and my health insurance premium/coverage is not sustainable for frequent lab work (I hate that this is a deal breaker) and of course, there’s no rhyme or reason to Graves’ and it could come back at any time, thereby necessitating the frequent lab work. I’m fairly angry that of all the times in the last 6 years, once I resolve to have a TT, my body decides to play nice. Like my resolve is being tested….
I had this visual last night of my thyroid, like a child being threatened with revoked privileges, pleading with me, saying
“no, please don’t take me away! I will be good, now, okay? See? I can behave!”
Because after all, the thyroid is the victim too. It’s being attacked and doing what it’s told to do with the gun of the TSI antibodies against its head. Now the criminal has fled, but what happens when “he” returns to the scene of the crime, and then six months from now, a year maybe, when thyroidia forgets that she was in danger of being sliced, gets caught with her purse open and TSI villain shows back up and I’m sitting here looking at a line-up with heart palpitations, having to wait months for my levels to go back down with a higher dose of meds saying “why didn’t I go for it when the time was right?”.