Really? NOW?!? wtf

23 Feb

So I just got my labs back.  My TSH is normal for the first time in years.  My T3 and T4 are on the very low end of “normal” which is why I have been feeling tired and sluggish and depressed, I imagine.

I also had my antibodies tested and they are normal!  Normal is considered as less than 110 and mine are 105.

This would normally be a time for celebration, but of course, my TT is scheduled for March 20th and here I am, looking like after 6 years, I could be in remission and I’m weeks away from having my thyroid removed.  My thyroid that is behaving itself, even if it’s a bit beat up, diffuse, and multi-nodular.

The thing is, I still have a goiter and my health insurance premium/coverage is not sustainable for frequent lab work (I hate that this is a deal breaker) and of course, there’s no rhyme or reason to Graves’ and it could come back at any time, thereby necessitating the frequent lab work.  I’m fairly angry that of all the times in the last 6 years, once I resolve to have a TT, my body decides to play nice.  Like my resolve is being tested….

I had this visual last night of my thyroid, like a child being threatened with revoked privileges, pleading with me, saying

“no, please don’t take me away!  I will be good, now, okay?  See?  I can behave!”

Because after all, the thyroid is the victim too.  It’s being attacked and doing what it’s told to do with the gun of the TSI antibodies against its head.  Now the criminal has fled, but what happens when “he” returns to the scene of the crime, and then six months from now, a year maybe, when thyroidia forgets that she was in danger of being sliced, gets caught with her purse open and TSI villain shows back up and I’m sitting here looking at a line-up with heart palpitations, having to wait months for my levels to go back down with a higher dose of meds saying “why didn’t I go for it when the time was right?”.



Posted by on February 23, 2012 in Graves' Disease, Total Thyroidectomy


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8 responses to “Really? NOW?!? wtf

  1. KC

    February 23, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    I think ultimately you have to do what you feel is right for you. I wish I had stuck up for myself when I had my first occurrence of thyroid cancer and they took out half. I wanted it all gone so I could move on and get it all done at once. They assured me that removal of half was norm and I would be fine. Fast forward 14 years and the cancer came back just like I thought it would causing the other half to be removed and all the drama that comes with it. Was I a product of medical knowledge known at the time? Maybe? Was my doctor wrong and I right? Maybe. Who really knows. There are pros/cons to leaving it in and pros/cons to taking it out. Figure out what you think is best and what you can live with. After all, the doctors don’t know you like you know you.

    • houffenglaarfert

      February 24, 2012 at 3:08 pm

      Thank you Karen. I found your comment eased my mind a little. There are pros and cons to both and ultimately I do have to go with what I feel is right and not allow myself to look back and say “what if”.

  2. Michael Barreto

    February 23, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    I think you answered the problem yourself here, its not the thyroud but TSI that’s our villian. If consequence is what keeps him at bay. Then keep them with you & him in return, away. If Ive said it once I’ve said it a thousand times. A little intention goes a long long way & you happen to be lucky enough to have alot coming yours. Generally I don’t cross bridges unless I have to & if it’s not time here, then simply wait till it is. Wishing you all the very best kat. & whatever you decide 😉 we’re right there with you.

  3. lockwomn

    February 24, 2012 at 5:20 am

    I haven’t so intimately involved in the intense ups and downs you have had to weather over the years, yet I do know that when you finally began to talk about having it removed recently, there was a profound shift deep inside you and I could literally feel your relief. This doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind—-I just wanted to reflect back to you what you looked like, sounded like, felt like when you decided it was time.

    Love you lots and wanting very much for you to thrive.

  4. Keya Horn

    February 24, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    My view is very similar to Melissa’s, Kat. There has been a
    calmness in you ever since you made the decision. It has
    looked to me like a step you made that will help your life.

    • houffenglaarfert

      February 24, 2012 at 7:09 pm

      Thanks, Mom. It’s ironic how I’m so uncomfortable with loose ends, yet I’ve avoided a fairly definitive treatment for so many years…


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